From strapping it on to riding into the sunset

So you're out in the boat and ready to get in the water. But before you can "get your ride on," you need to get your board on. There are a vast number of binding lubes out on the market today that will ease the struggle of getting into your bindings and are environmentally friendly, so I recommend you use one. You can also opt for shaving cream or common dish soap, but neither of these are very ecologically sound choices, and if that weren't reason enough, some of these may actually deteriorate the rubber that your bindings are made of. Now that I've made my little plug for the environment, let's begin.


With your feet firmly installed in the bindings, sit in the water with your knees bent and the board parallel to the water's surface, floating naturally. The bottom of the board should be facing the boat. The rope goes over the top of the board and the handle should be held with both palms facing down (sorry slugger, no baseball grip) and your arms should be straight. Let your knees fall open so that your arms are resting between them. Pull your shoulders back and keep your chest up.


Once you are ready, audibly communicate this to the driver. Nodding or winking may produce undesired results. When you feel the boat starting to pull, concentrate on maintaining your body position; strong bent knees, arms straight, shoulders back and chest up. As you start getting pulled out of the water, don't try to "muscle" your way up with your arms. Let the boat do the work. When it comes to a tug of war between you and the 450 horsepower engine in that boat, unless you're Superman, you aren't going to win.


The board should begin to plane on top of the water. Once the board is above the water, straighten your legs to a standing position as you bring the rope to your lead hip. Twist at the waist so that your shoulders are facing the boat and your feet are facing the shore. Keep the handle at your lead hip, your shoulders back, twist at the waist, your chest up and back straight as though you were standing on solid ground, with knees slightly bent.


There, wasn't that easy? If it wasn't, you're probably a victim of one of the many common mistakes people make...


· Standing up too soon causes the board to sink. Keep in mind that you really can't stand up too late. If you want to ride around the whole lake in the original crouched position in which you started, you can certainly do that. Always err on the side of caution and stand up later rather than sooner. If you're working hard to stand up, it's probably too soon. Turning the board too soon will also often make the board sink. Remember, wait until the board is on top of the water before you stand and turn the board.

· Muscling your way up often results in the "bungee-effect," where the rope suddenly becomes a weapon that you use to nail your friends in the boat with (It's not that funny when you're the friend in the boat. I lost a pair of Oakleys to a confrontation with a 13" handle). When you start pulling against that rope, and the tug of war begins, the boat is going to win, because, again, I don't see you wearing blue tights and a big 'S' on your chest. When you finally give up and let go of the handle, or rather the handle is ripped from your soft little hands, two things happen; One, the aforementioned bungee-effect and two, you'll probably have started the development of some nice rough callouses. So keep your arms straight and shoulders back, and let the boat pull you up.


· Plowing through the water is murder on your back and you'll feel it the next day. When you're hanging on and all that seems to happen is that water is pushing against the bottom of the board, thus stretching out your arms by a couple of inches, there's a simple solution - slightly point your toes. You see, what's happening is that no water is getting under the board to lift it up. By pointing your toes, the board is put at a slight angle, allowing for water to rush under it and, as a result, lift it up.


· Being pulled out the front can result from one or both of the following; weak shoulders and weak legs. If you don't hold your shoulders back, they will roll forward. When they roll forward, you'll lose leverage and get pulled right over the board. Similarly, when you don't maintain strong bent legs, the pressure of the water on the bottom of the board will only make you bend your knees more and more until they're up in your chest. If you don't push with your legs against that force to stand up, you'll just be yanked forward till you plop right over the front of the board. So, hold your shoulders back and maintain strong bent legs.


What if you got up alright, but just can't seem to stay up? Here are some common mistakes that may be causing your problem...

· The uncontrollable side slide is a precursor of the dreaded face plant. When the tail end of the board comes sliding around so that the front tip is no longer pointed in the direction of the boat, but rather both your feet are pointed at the boat, it is most often a result of not twisting at the waist and/or not keeping the handle at your lead hip. Twisting at the waist keeps your shoulders facing the boat while your feet face the shore. The orientation of the handle is also critical in keeping your body in the correct position. Should you pull the handle to your center, in front of your bellybutton, rather than maintaining it at your lead hip, it will pull your lower body around so that you find yourself in the side slide. Should this happen, you better keep your weight on your heels, thus keeping the front edge of the board out of the water, and get the board back to the correct position by twisting at the waist and putting the handle where it should be; on your lead hip. If not, when the front edge of the board gets caught by the water, you will find your face hurtling at light speed towards the water and you may experience a definition of pain that you otherwise never knew existed.


· Being pulled out the front may also result in a migraine-inducing face plant. The cause? Improper weight distribution and/or leaving your arms straight out in front of you. If you find that you are constantly being pulled forward, consider putting a little more weight on your back foot. Ideally you'll want equal weight on both feet, but in the beginning, until you are more comfortable on the board, you may want to think of placing 70% of your weight on your back foot, and 30% on the front. Also be aware of where your arms are. If you hold them out straight and the boat begins to pull you forward, you have nowhere to go but forward. But if your arms are slightly bent and the boat begins to pull you forward, you have a little bit of room to work with. You can pull back with much more ease and with a much quicker response time. Straight arms work when you're getting up out of the water, but once you're on top of it, they can sometimes cause you a great deal of pain.


· The Neanderthal Plunge looks kind of like the Nestea Plunge performed by a caveman. You may have seen it. The beginner who is hunched over, looking down, maybe poking their rear end out excessively. Your mom always told you to stand up straight. You just never thought her advice would help you out in your wakeboarding endeavor. Remember that if you look down, you're going to fall down, so keep your eyes up on the boat or out on the horizon. Keep your knees slightly bent so that should you go through some choppy water or over a roller, you can absorb it with your legs, not your whole body. Tuck that tail in and puff your chest up with pride because you are wakeboarding now, my friend.